he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
