The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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