I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
