I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
