I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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