Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
what day is it and did you see me today?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
