Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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