I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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