I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
