There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
