Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
