nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
