We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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