i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
