Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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