I heard we made out
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
