we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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