How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
