Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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