I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
