i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
