i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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