Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
