HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
