It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
