so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
