dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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