Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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