It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
