Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
