I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
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