if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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