just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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