I cannot find my penis.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
