Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
