yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
