he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
