I wish I could teleport
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
