I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
