All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
