I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
