my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
