Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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