I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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