I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
