I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
