Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
