I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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