I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
