so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
