How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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