Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
